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Am I flaky?

This is a spur of the moment self reflection post. It’s probably only for me but I just need to work out my thoughts in writing. Lately I’m acting a lot unlike myself, or a lot unlike how I view myself. I’ve been unmotivated, inactive, unable to stick to much of any routine, forgetful and terrible at following through on things. In short, in my I’m mind, flaky, is the best word to describe it.

But that isn’t me, or at least that’s not how I think I normally am. I think I’m consistent, hard working, dedicated, get-the-job done type of person. I can’t figure it out, why these undesirable, uncharacteristic actions seem to be ever present lately.

Sometimes, I get it together and do things the way I want to. I’m pleasant to be around (not crabby/snappy), I actually enjoy life. Maybe it’s my outlook, but I really don’t think I view life negatively. I probably just need more sleep because napping for two hours doesn’t leave much time for anything else I’d like to do in my free time.  Maybe I just need to stop making mental to-do lists, then I wouldn’t feel like I should be doing anything. Yeah, that’s not happening, unless there is a way to blind me and make my brain stop working.

I know the real answer, I just don’t like it. Prayer. Spending time with God. Reading my Bible and actually applying it to my life. Those things take time, effort and sacrificing Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, TV, blog reading and other important meaningless things.  I want to know God, have a close relationship and be confidant I’m living the way He wants me to live but I’m not willing to spend the time it takes to get there and keep it up. I mean, relationships take work, a lot of work to be meaningful.

So, maybe I am flaky, but if I don’t want to be I know the solution. If you think of me, pray that I would desire to spend time with the Lord. Leave a comment and I can pray for you as well, but no commitment on how often I’ll actually do it. I said this is my year of prayer, so Lord, please help me pray.

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Posted by on February 17, 2013 in Faith

 

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Combatting Busyness = No Recent Blogging

I realize that is has been a while since I have created an actual blog post. I haven’t forgotten about my blog, but in an effort to rest and combat busyness in my life, I have not written anything lately. I’m taking advantage of getting to work extremely early to write what God has been doing in my life this past week.

Our sermon last Sunday was about “What’s Next?” and it pertained to what was next for our church but also for us personally. I feel that to know what is next, (and what is present) we need to be in constant communication with God, which is usually in the form of listening prayer and meditation. I haven’t been good about setting aside time to fully engage with God, and really felt that God was hitting the message home to me through a lot of circumstances this weekend. I was scheduled to lead the girls discussion in our Monday night small group, and had been thinking for a while that I wanted to share/lead a time of meditation and “listening” prayer. As I was reading a portion of Celebration of Discipline on Sunday to prepare for Monday’s discussion, God started to work on my busyness.

Busyness – the quality or condition of being actively and attentively engaged in work or a pastime or the definition that is more synonymous to my life lately: lively but meaningless activity. Now I don’t mean to say that all of my activity is meaningless, but my life is full of to-do’s that really don’t matter. And not full of to-do’s that do matter.

My “leading” for our girls discussion was really just an explanation of the meditation and prayer I had been reading about, and then trying to facilitate a time where we could corporately gather before God and listen for his voice. I figured if I was struggling to spend quality, quiet time with Him, there was at least one other person who was in the same boat. I think God totally blessed our time and spoke to each of us individually but also used that to encourage one another. One girl shared the verse below which she had heard in a different sermon on Sunday.

Psalm 127:2 –  In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for while they sleep he provides for those he loves.

I think this completely describes many of our lives at various times, and probably describes mine right now. We work so hard to get the things we need and want, when, if we just rest in the Lord, HE will provide us all we need. I had lots of household to-do’s on Sunday, so when it got down to 8:30 on Sunday night, I was exhausted instead of being rested and ready for the workweek. I wasn’t exhausted just because of the work I did on Sunday, but I was exhausted because I had not taken a true Sabbath day of rest in at least two weeks. Now, I do have Sabbath nights, usually Tuesdays, where I don’t do anything after I come home from work. I also have Sabbath from exercise, usually Wednesdays, and sometimes another day in the week. But a whole day in which I do nothing but rest in the Lord and get refocused, refreshed and renewed through him, that has not happened in a while. And on Monday, I publicly confessed this sin (breaking the Sabbath) and asked the Lord for forgiveness, because that is what I needed to do to make it a reality that I was sinning by not taking a day of rest.

Exodus 20: 8-11 Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you should labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or your daughter, nor your manservant or your maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

Is your life filled with busyness that is not for the LORD? Are you being called to let some things go? Or do you need to start doing something for Him?

 
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Posted by on October 21, 2011 in Faith

 

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