Am I flaky?

17 Feb

This is a spur of the moment self reflection post. It’s probably only for me but I just need to work out my thoughts in writing. Lately I’m acting a lot unlike myself, or a lot unlike how I view myself. I’ve been unmotivated, inactive, unable to stick to much of any routine, forgetful and terrible at following through on things. In short, in my I’m mind, flaky, is the best word to describe it.

But that isn’t me, or at least that’s not how I think I normally am. I think I’m consistent, hard working, dedicated, get-the-job done type of person. I can’t figure it out, why these undesirable, uncharacteristic actions seem to be ever present lately.

Sometimes, I get it together and do things the way I want to. I’m pleasant to be around (not crabby/snappy), I actually enjoy life. Maybe it’s my outlook, but I really don’t think I view life negatively. I probably just need more sleep because napping for two hours doesn’t leave much time for anything else I’d like to do in my free time.  Maybe I just need to stop making mental to-do lists, then I wouldn’t feel like I should be doing anything. Yeah, that’s not happening, unless there is a way to blind me and make my brain stop working.

I know the real answer, I just don’t like it. Prayer. Spending time with God. Reading my Bible and actually applying it to my life. Those things take time, effort and sacrificing Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, TV, blog reading and other important meaningless things.  I want to know God, have a close relationship and be confidant I’m living the way He wants me to live but I’m not willing to spend the time it takes to get there and keep it up. I mean, relationships take work, a lot of work to be meaningful.

So, maybe I am flaky, but if I don’t want to be I know the solution. If you think of me, pray that I would desire to spend time with the Lord. Leave a comment and I can pray for you as well, but no commitment on how often I’ll actually do it. I said this is my year of prayer, so Lord, please help me pray.

1 Comment

Posted by on February 17, 2013 in Faith


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One response to “Am I flaky?

  1. Mom

    February 19, 2013 at 4:08 PM

    The word that comes to mind after reading this is humbling – to write about the struggle, see the problem AND solution, and to admit I see this in myself. Thank you for writing it.


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